4th of July (oh yeah, I guess that was last month:)

Sitting by the water to watch the air show (and eating cheetoes,

what 4th of July would be complete without them?)

Okay I know I should've put these up a month ago and I have no real excuses for not doing it sooner (other than vacations, distractions and forgetfulness). But here was our Independence Day Celebration.

I actually really love our city when it comes to the 4th. There is so much to do that's free, unique and family friendly. Our city does an air show every year. We sat by the water and watched the air acrobatics. There were some really amazing "stunt" flights.

It was hard to get a good picture but those little specs with the

white trail behind them-those are the planes

Ryan and I were pretty enthralled but Ezra got bored so we went down to play in the water-which was actually pretty fun too. We found small crabs, oysters and Ezra hauled up lots of sea weed :) And lots of boats (we saw them-Ezra didn't haul them up :)

Yes, son that's a boat too.

There was a freedom fair too, with lots of food, booths with fun junk. All of it was overpriced of course. We bought 3 corn dogs and it cost us $18. Whew! (In the corn dog's defense they were delicious).

Making the hike home (still smiling too-at least when the

camera is on)

Even though this event took place a few minutes

drive from our house it took us probably 45 minutes to get home. There was no driving in that crowd. This was no reflection on how fit we physically are. We just had to park the car...millions of miles away up a hill, with a toddler (a very cute toddler but still a toddler none the less).

Ryan, Ezra, Aaron, and Isabella sitting on my quilt

Later that night we got together with our next door neighbor Aaron and Isabella (Ezra's best friend) and walked over to the water to watch the fireworks. It was Ezra's first time staying up to watch see them. Here in Washington it doesn't get dark until 9:30 or 10 and I am a normally a stickler about bed times. But holidays are meant to be exceptions.

We sat on my quilt. I just have to point this out because-I made it. This was a huge feat for me because I don't like to sew. I started the quilt as a YW project when I was a leader in the YW presidency. It took about 2 years after the fact but I did it. (A big part of that time was spent searching for a good mentor. I was just too intimidated to do it on my own). Made from old jeans and this is the only picture I have of it (but don't look too closely or you might find some... imperfections).

We didn't get pictures of the parade or the picnics we went to (or naps we all took after walking/melting in the heat). But you get the idea! It was an incredible fun filled day!

Ezra made a sandwich

I am a proud mother of a master of culinary skills in peanut butter and jelly sandwich making! I was so pleased he was very patient and interested in trying it and and he ate it. Okay, it's a little dorky (you can go ahead and question the "little" part too) but where does a mother get to brag shamelessly about her child's accomplishments? Grandparents can only take so much :)

Visit to Yellow Stone

For the first time ever I went to Yellowstone National Park. As you can see we all loved it. Never mind the little boy who won't show his face because he was hot and over tired. It was beautiful, exciting and HOT! I keep forgetting Washington is so much cooler than the rest of ...well, the country. Or at least everywhere else we ever go to. Luckily there was a breeze but I was in constant fear of loosing my hat (as you can see by how far it is pushed over my eyebrows). If your hat blows off on the path surrounded by gysers there's no going after it.

We saw at least 3 or 4 hats that endured a similar fate.

And of course we need to visit the ever famous Old Faithful. We sat and waited about 30 minutes for it to go off (I ask you, what's not to love about sitting around waiting for water to boil?). And shortly thereafter, Ezra's good mood went off with it. Definitely worth it but we probably won't do it again until he's older and better able to appreciate it :)

Jumpin' Jack and Jill

I don't know who had more fun, me or Ezra. My friend Juliet works at a bouncy fun type of house, Jumpin' Jack and Jill. I wish I could say she got us in for free but...we did get a great coupon for our next visit and really I only had to pay for Ezra. I was only in their in a supervisory capacity (at least when the other adults were looking). It was so much fun, there were slides, video games, jumping castles, something of an obstacle course and lots of other fun games.

I didn't get a good shot of Ezra's friend but this is Kingston. We met his family at an FSA (Families Supporting Adoption) activity. It is actually really awesome to know other families that are also going the adoption route.

The aftermath...another advantage of having your friend work there, we got to watch it all come apart.

A little visit from Birth Grandma's family

So there were some people in town and they stopped in to see us-mostly Ezra-actually I always want to say that but it's just not true. And in truth we love them too.

I could not get a good picture. Ezra moves too fast. This is Ezra's birth Great Grandma. We don't see her as often but she made it to our home for a quick visit.

This is Na-na-bug. At least that what Ezra calls her. (I think her real name is Celina but she lets us all call her Na-na-bug. How are they related? Well, she's Randy's cousin. So I think that makes them...2nd cousins or cousins once removed? Anyway, she's family and we love her.

This is Na-na-bug's mom. Sister to Grandma Kolene, Clista. She made the best Mexican food at our house once. It forever changed my Mexican cooking-despite having grown up in a town 45 minutes from the Mexican border and a mom who served a Spanish speaking mission, her's was better.

And of course Grandma Kolene. Ezra's so lucky. It's not every little boy who gets 3 sets of grandparents. And they came with a lot of other family who adore Ezra too. I guess I can't blame them. We love him too.

Trade shows

Ezra and I took a road trip on the bus to hit a very special trade show to see his daddy in action. Here we are on the bus (which was supposed to only take an hour but really was 2 hours but worth it. Luckily we got a picture early on before Ezra and were a little more tired and grumpy).

Ryan and his partners had a trade show promoting the business. Here are Ryan's other 2 partners. Left is Michael, middle is incidently also named Ryan but to avoid confusion he's going by Ezra's middle name Blake. I guess you could say we named him after Ezra (although I don't think he-Blake [who is really Ryan] finds it as amusing :)

Preparing to be foster parents

We got a bunk bed to make room for foster kids. We thought we'd try it out and see it's a good route for us to adopt more kids.

Ezra loves the bed. He can hang from it, build forts, get way up high and look out the window. What is not to love about it?

Front yard landscaping

Well, I know everyone's been dying to know how our front yard looks by now. It does look a little better than after we first dug it out with the mini excavator but it's still not done. At any rate, these are the retaining walls Ryan designed. He built wire cages and filled them with rocks. A unique and less expensive way to do it. Ryan sold me on the money savings but really he went this route because he's an architect. You can't build a simple wall with the blocks they sell at the hardware store for that purpose. It must be original, a work of art, never been done before on our block. Such is the blessing and curse of being an artist.

Lots of sand

My good friend gave us a half a yard of sand. Sooo...like any good parent Ryan dropped everything and made a sand box (quit his job, bishopric-that's why he's still wearing his office shirt to do his real full time job). Ezra was very useful at scooping the dirt out into position. We mortgaged the house, sold everything to make the nicest sand box on the block (granted it is the only one on the block). It would've been cheaper to have bought a cheap plastic already made one but Ryan's an architect. He built it.

Ryan used up some materials he got for free from an over stock warehouse (the advantage of being the part owner of a design build firm). Normally this attractive plastic sits decoratively in our garage taking up the length of a car. It seems a shame to not use this $995. priced sheet on something a little more exotic but it's out of the garage (and in fact we still have it's twin occupying the adjoining space). And it does make a beautiful, rain resistant cover (and bottom if they ever dig that far).

If that wasn't enough sand we had another day of sunshine so we ran to the beach. True the Washington beaches are more rock than sand but we found a small patch of not-to-rocky comfort. And after all boys can make use of water and earth of any kind.

We went with Ezra's friend Jameson. Between the two of them (and perhaps a small contribution from both of their moms) we had enough sand to add a nice new layer to the sand box. Unfortunately it the sand mostly got as far as the car :) And yet we love and always go back for more whenever we get the chance.

switching our adoption routes

Nothing says sadness like the memory or "The Pit of Despair" in a whispery raspy voice (from The Princess Bride).

A very slight possibility of a baby slipped away. I probably shouldn't write for every failed attempt but this one felt a little different. I've slowly felt myself losing hope of creating our family through self promotion. I've never been very good at it. It makes me feel like a politician or a phony. We can never really give a full picture of who we really are on a few lines here and there. I've had ambitions of creating a youtube movie about us but our computer and the technology in general make me feel a little frustrated. It's hard enough to prove, according to government/agency standards (through background checks, references, mountains of paperwork, required training) that we can be good parents. We need to be the superstars everyone wants to place their child with. Well, I hate to confess this but despite all the attempts at putting on our best self trying to wine, dine and court every possible birth family out there, we're not superstars. Perhaps with every failed attempt we feel even less super. There are times it's just too hard on my ego.

So having said that, we haven't lost all hope of building our family. But we're now leaning more towards the foster-to-adopt route. I must say, I do feel pretty awesome filling out the paper work. They ask questions like how many marriages/significant relationships have we had, do you or anyone in your family have a history of domestic violence, abuse, mental health, etc. It feels great to say I've only had one marriage (and it was the only significant relationship we ever had). There is no abuse, violence, mental health issues. I'm back to feeling like a superstar and yet I'm not being a phony.

After complaining for several weeks over the loss of our camera card a friend of mine pointed out that we could buy a new one. oooh...I feel somehow empowered and yet sheepish. I'm already acting like a grandma falling behind in how to use technology. I have a hard time even posting these pictures. One can buy camera cards? I didn't take any exciting pictures just pictures for the sake of having the use of a camera again. One of Ezra with Ryan and the next one is of a fortress we built of some empty boxes from some new furniture. I'm focusing the picture on Ezra because the fortress is nothing to brag about. It's just big.

On the adoption front I went to an FSA (Families Supporting Adoption) meeting last night and

I learned ....

...that this Saturday is Birthmother day. I'm embarrassed I didn't even know there was such a thing. oops! We do have a couple days notice. We'll be sure to call Randy (our dear birthmother).

...We'll be joining our FSA in the 4th of July Parade in Tumwater spreading a positive image of adoption. Which should be fun, I just hope Ezra can make it through the whole parade. I imagine we'll have a variety of different methods to carry him. And start practicing 5 mile hikes now :) All are welcome to come and see how we hold up. (I may use Ezra as an excuse to stop and rest).

...I'll be leading our zone activities. Okay the this one I knew about but I haven't done anything about it. Now I'm re-reminded that I need to plan stuff to get more people in our adoptive community together. That is, I need to plan fun stuff. I think it will be fun...I just hope this isn't too ambitious.

Our Golden Gate bridge

So Washington has a "Golden Gate" bridge of their own. It's just not as swarming with tourists. But it is pretty famous (it's just that no one seems to be aware of it). If you haven't watched this video during high school or watching a National Geographic documentary here it is http://youtu.be/j-zczJXSxnw (sadly you'll have to copy and paste it onto your address bar)

Why do we care you may be asking yourself right now (especially those locals from Washington that have already heard all about it)? Because we finally decided to do the touristy thing and walk monumental family moment across it. (Pause for appropriate ooos and aaah) Yes, we decided it was high time to visit our local architecture (that was actually designed by an engineer-the filthy swine:) Here we see our little darling trying to escape as we share this beautiful family moment.

It's more amazing actually being there up close. The weather was beautiful that day...well, at least it started out that way. By the time we got out there we had some gray skies and a little bit of rain (I know it's a shock for Washington). But then we pointed the camera a different direction and the clouds seemed to clear up :)

Ezra was very cute, as usual. He and Ryan did the appropriate down elbow thrusts to let the

Mid section of the bridge. drivers know we wanted a horn honk. I always

Ezra obviously has bright sunlight shining in his eyes thought it was a privilege reserved for truck drivers but fortunately the other drivers were smarter than me.

It's hard to tell on this picture because Ezra's bent over but he's doing his best "army man" face.

Okay I loved this picture enough to make it our main blog pic. I mean, there's a blue(ish) sky here. That's exciting and worth celebrating. We don't look our greatest but this was a fun memory with all of us together!

No camera

It's killing me. Our camera card is lost. I can't take any pictures. What's a blog without pictures? Well, I guess some people can pull it off but they have superior literary abilities...(I hope literary doesn't just refer to reading-at any rate some people are much better writers-they write good stuff-I'm not one of those people).

My sister came to visit us with her husband and 6 kids and they stayed at our little 752 sq ft house. That kind of event is picture worthy. If nothing else to laugh about it after the fact. True, I did manage to put them in various locations outside our home when it was time to sleep but eating, congregating, we practically had to pile people on top of each other :) And we went to Seattle's Pacific Science Center with a Star Wars display. So many picture taking opportunities (if you managed to elbow all the other science fiction junkies out of the way-mostly my sister's family-Just Kidding!)

But I did get a friend to snap an Ezra shot I thought was too irresistible. Ezra fell asleep reading a book. Not as much of a story behind it but...it's our cute little man. What can a mama say?

Grieving your infertility

I just agreed to teach a class for Families Supporting Adoption about grieving your infertility. What does one say about grieving your infertility? "This is how one grieves?" Make it into a support group is out of the question in my mind because...well, I don't want to. The people attending can connect with each other and create a support group if they need one. For me personally, if I'm grieving I don't want to open up to a bunch of strangers unless I've decided to let them in. I don't want to be forced to.

Shall I read to them some lines I read about infertility?

Tell them they are created this way for a special purpose-for the children that will need a home.

Emphasis that they were created not "broken"

Would it be too difficult to hear that there is a birth mother out there who is grieving too, over the choices she's made and the difficult journey ahead?

Is it too soon to hear that this is likely not the end of their grieving. If they ever experience a failed adoption they will grieve their infertility all over again? They will grieve as if over the death of a child that will never be a part of their family

They may never had that large family, or have children with your husband's red hair.

One thing I think I should teach a class is to tell people what you need. Tell people if you need space, time, understanding, appropriate language concerning adoption, a hug. Well intentioned people will say some unwittingly hurtful things. Be prepared to teach others how to be sensitive to your situation.

Those are my only thoughts for now. Hopefully I can fill an hour and a half class with it.

Just back from Texas

Ezra and I went to Texas to visit my sister Debbie and her family! It was so fun. Just a trip for the fun of it. (And Ryan needed to take another test so he spent a week cramming and we were able to get out of his way while we were there).

My pictures uploads of the trip came up in an odd order. Things like this always make me feel like such a rookie. So this is the end of my trip to the beginning.

Ezra and I for went to Chicago the first time... to change planes :) I wanted to get a picture of us doing something cool in the airport but Ezra just kept running away from me. And people who were standing around waiting to help were unseen. The most helpful airline workers were those off duty, standing around with a jacket only partially concealing their staff uniform. But even those were scare in my moment of need. So I got a picture of the little man pretending not to hear my pleas to stay close. He's the one wearing the white shirt and monkey backpack

We made plans to go to a Science center and paint the town green but unfortunately Debbie's daughter Alexis took a spill on her scooter. It was pretty scary. She was in a lot of pain and we (or maybe just I) thought it was broken but it turned out just to be a sprain.

We did have some other exciting happening before the scooter incident. Alexis and I painted each others nails.

Here are our toes.

Cute, eh!?

And our fingers

This is the actual painting. We couldn't find another available photographer so Ezra actually took these 2 pictures. Not too bad his first time-except the top one you can't tell what we're doing and ...

this one cuts off Alexis's head a little.

We spent a lot of time doing soccer. Alexis is the goalie (the one holding the ball). Glad this one turned out. I just pointed the camera at the sun hoped something would show up :)

Sorry Cousin Tim, none of your soccer pictures turned out :(

Ezra and cousin Nick played soccer on the sidelines during the soccer practices.

Alexis's school allows the family to come to eat lunch with the kids at school....so we did. This is the only good picture I got with my sister Debbie.

Debbie's Texas home has a pond within walking distance, providing refuge for the local ducks and geese (and entertainment for the boys)

Even though we didn't go out much Debbie's home provided a plethora of entertainment (Heffe, would you say I have a plethora of entertainment:) Ezra is on his back in this one but this is one of the only pictures I got with cousin Tim (standing with the striped shirt in the middle).

Ezra and cousin Nick got to go to their own soccer activity. It wasn't exactly a league or a game but a pre-league soccer for the young-ins. Ezra's the one in the orange (opposed to all the other boys in orange). Orange shirt, blond hair

And of course the boys played around the house (who can resist new toys). I attended a photo seminar. It said things like get down on their level, to catch your children being themselves, just playing and being boys. I got this one

But first they couldn't resist shining for the camera.

Boys, be natural, just keep playing. Pretend I'm not here.

It's so hard to get them both not looking at the

camera. Now Nick's become my poser.

I remember the days before digital and the instant reminiscing. I would take one shot or maybe two just in case someone was blinking. Now I snap shot after shot in the hopes that there will still be a better shot out there if I keep working at it.

So those are some of the highlights. We also ate at the Cracker Barrel, watched the movie Gnomeo and Juliet and Debbie and I got massage and just over all played a lot. Ezra asks a lot about his cousin Nick and if he can come over to play. So Griffins you've been officially invited.

That invitation is open to the rest of our family as well. I forgot how much I miss them all.

We also gave the Griffin's some adoption pass along cards so they can give us another reason to come back to Texas soon. If anyone else wants a few (or a plethora) of pass along cards we'll travel to any state to get our child (and hopefully we'll get to visit someone else in the process). Let us know and we'll mail them out.

One failed attempt

So I tried calling an abortion clinic to ask if I could pass along adoption information. The woman told me, "No, we're not into making women feel guilty."

I reassured her it wasn't to make them feel guilty (heaven forbid that someone persuading them to save the child's life should make them feel guilty) but to know there was another option.

The woman said, "They pretty much know their options. They can have the baby, abort or [place] the baby for adoption."

I'm pretty sure I panicked at my first total rejection back pedaled and hung up. Everything I wanted to say would've completely offended her. What I should have said was something along the lines of, "Many women know they can make an adoption plan but they are not aware of the resources available to them. If they choose adoption LDS Family Services could offer counseling before and after placement, they get to choose the family, support groups with other women in their situation, help to find temporary housing or to complete their education."

Oh how I hate the rejection. I'm going to have to wait a couple weeks, 50 prayers, and just as many prep talks (telling myself, "I'M THE WOMAN," "I'M TAKING YOU TO THE MATTRESS." "I'M FIGHTING FOR BABIES") before I try that again. I would much rather be the shy type and have someone give us a baby because we're so wonderful :) Sometimes I hate growing experiences.

Adoption Language

So why is it in this world with all the polital correctness that drives us all nuts did I choose to become a strong advocate of using the correct "Adoption Terminology"? Good question, there are a few reasons

*Adoption already has such a negative image.

*Language is a powerful tool in presenting adoption either negatively or positively.

*It's my hope that it will be the beginning of people seeing adoption as the wonderful blessing that it is. To do that people should avoid terms like these:

Giving away or giving up a child for adoption Ouch! A parent gave their child away? That sounds so cold and heartless (is it any wonder people have a bad image of adoption?). Giving up a child? Again that sounds so hurtful and like the parent quit. Couldn't handles it. I cringe every time I hear that. Nothing could be further from the truth. There probably are exceptions but the overwhelming majority of birth mothers love their children immensely. "Placing a child for adoption" or "making an adoption plan" is a more appropriate and positive.

Unwanted Child Like I said before most birth mothers love their children and want them but given the circumstances in their lives they realize they cannot parent in the way they desire. For a birth mother to hear her child described as "unwanted" her sense of abandoning her child or shirking responsibility is only reinforced. And besides, boy, do people like us want that child. No child is unwanted (especially babies). A better term would be "unplaned child"

Natural or "real" parents/children So... because we adopted Ezra would that make us the "fake" parents? If by some miracle I ever did get pregnant would that make Ezra our "un natural child"? The thought burns me up. The terms "biological' or "birth parents" are much better

I hope this all makes sense. And now here is my quick list of positive and negative laguage of adoption.

Positive Language Negative Language

Find a family to parent your child Putting your child up for adoption

Child by birth Real child or Natural child

adopted person adopted child (when speaking of an adult)

decided to parent the child keeping the child

child born to umnamrried parents illegitimate child

meeting between birthparents and reunion

adopted child

Kiss it better

So... Ezra's foot was on the toilet seat when he slammed the lid on his toes. He cried showed me the bottom of his foot where the "injury" was and requested the healing powers of a kiss. Hmm...the bottom of a foot having just been on the highly sanitary toilet seat. So I cleverly turned his foot lovingly holding it in my hand and kissed my thumb. "No," Ezra said, "it's this part of my foot." So I kissed my fingers and lovingly rubbed the healing exlickser onto his foot. It still wasn't good enough so I finally settled on changing the subject, "Did you want to play Hi-Ho Cherry-O?" Narrowly dodged that bullet.

Networking: Making your adoption Happen

Ooooh....why is networking our adoption so hard for me? We went to an adoption conference, got some great ideas about how to spread the word that we want to adopt and I've done next to nothing with that information. But now I'm starting to feel the time has come. I need to be proactive. A suggested plan of action is

1. Do an internet search of anything in the community that might have adoption leads (e.g. search "rape recovery centers in Wa)

2. Call them. Tell them who you are and that you would like to share some adoption information with them. Ask if that would be okay.

I'm just going to stop right here and ask myself, "Why can't I do that step?" I promote adoption in the church. This is just stretching me in a direction I don't even want to go. But never mind, moving right along with the plan:

3. Go into the office personally or send a package with a letter explaining who you are and referencing the conversation you had earlier. Place the materials where they will be seen (materials including information about LDS Family Services, ways to contact us directly if they're interested in placing, adoption education in general, etc).

4. Like any good missionary knows: Follow up, and try to come back, give a presentation, etc.

5. Establish a relationship with these people.

I'm sure this is a great opportunity and I know that if we already had gotten another baby I wouldn't even be thinking of this. And I know this could be a great opportunity to bless someone else's life so that they may learn about adoption. But I just can't get past the weirdness factor right now. I may have to hide this post so that birth parents don't see what a wimp I am. I know Ryan and Ezra would be fearless. I'm so scared I want to cry.

High lights from our Christmas letter

We just sent out our family Christmas letter. We tried to keep it short but we directed everyone to the blog. I tried to send a good mix of pictures that summed up a lot of the highlights and so I thought I should include the pictures in the blog.

Now I know this will be somewhat redundant for those of your who've already read the family Christmas letter (which is probably most of you) but I want a good place to display all our pictures too. Besides I need the material to make us look fun and interesting to any potential birth family :)

This first one, was of our big snow fall in November. It was way fun (can't you tell by the look on Ezra's face what a blast he's having:) Here he just build a snow man with our next door neighbor Isabella (actually it was really the dads who did all the work while the kids occasionally helped roll the giant snow balls and then taking the new found knowledge to create miniature balls to pelt at each other. I'm guessing Isabella won the snowball fight by the look on Ezra's face.)

My sister Christina came to visit for my birthday weekend, to go to the adoption conference with us and to meet our 4th cousin Duval. Ryan and I met Duval in Arizona and shortly thereafter he moved to Washington. Within the year we followed. Not on purpose...well, okay maybe a little on purpose. It has been such a blessing to get to know him. He's written amazing books about living through the great depression. He ran away from home and eventually made enough money to care for his mother and family. Now before I exhaust that subject I better stop. If anyone wants to know more I could tell you where to find his books.

Ezra's birth family was going to join us at the adoption conference too but tragedy struck and they had to attend a funeral instead. We were so happy they were able to stop by and visit us on their way back home. We just can't help loving these people who love Ezra so much.

Yes, these master pieces are ginger graham houses. We started out trying to create the nativity scene but...Ryan's architectural genius couldn't be restrained and instead he made a two story mansion. Ezra had a great sugary creation too but somehow using the camera timer kept him too perplexed to keep it on display for very long.

We needed proof of our fun family activities so we included this one-actually I choose to include this picture because not everyone had seen Ryan's facial hair. But Ryan became a veil worker in the LDS temple and he had to shave it off. Oh well, it was fun while it lasted.

Ryan's parents came to visit us this summer. As it happened to land on Linda's (Ryan's mom) birthday we decided to celebrate with a Dairy Queen ice cream cake. Wow, those are so good!

This is Ryan's sister Carin. She graduated from Norther Arizona University and has moved to Washington to be near us...and to go to graduate school. It just happened to be a happy coincidence that her school was close to us.